Detour Around Bummerville

When the rabbit hole leads you away from all the calamity.

Putri Ariani on America’s Got Talent.

“Things are so bad I came home last night and watched The X Factor.”

                               – Michael Gambon in Page Eight (2011)

Hello, my dear ones. Welcome back to Bummerville.

What … you think I don’t know? You think I’m unaware that this space trades week in and week out in the most crushingly depressive realities of our age? The rise of fascism, the decline of democracy, the planet’s death spiral, the decimation of journalism and, maybe the most immediate threat of all, the poisoning of American children and adults by the algorithms of social media. They are like the Sirens of the Odyssey, luring you toward their island with their seductions until you are crushed on the rocky shoals.

They sit beside the ocean, combing their long golden hair and singing to passing sailors. But anyone who hears their song is bewitched by its sweetness, and they are drawn to that island like iron to a magnet. And their ship smashes upon rocks as sharp as spears. And those sailors join the many victims of the Sirens in a meadow filled with skeletons.

Facebook, TikTok and YouTube take note of what you have clicked on, and auto-entice you with more and more, yielding dopamine hit after dopamine hit, until you are literally addicted to the hate speech, conspiracy theories, disinformation, sexual material, terrorist grooming or whatever fetching content beckoned you in that direction to begin with. The algorithm is the engagement engine, and engagement is the golden goose of social media. It does not care about your wellbeing. It cares only about repeatedly manipulating your emotions so the platforms can make obscene profits.

When confronting the evil, we tend to focus on the likes of Alex Jones, a soulless monster of almost incomprehensible depravity, but he and his like are but barnacles on the hull of the platforms. Mark Zuckerberg, for example, is a billion times worse. Beware the stewards of the rabbit holes.

So, as I was saying: bummer. But I am here to report something strange and wonderful. I, myself, have stumbled into such a rabbit hole and it has been … glorious. I can’t say I’ve been cleansed of the filth and horror enumerated above, but it’s been a thrilling and inspiring journey of joy. It began, a month ago, when this video popped up on my Facebook feed. Now, I’m seldom on Facebook, so for all I know it had been lurking there for a while, but when I clicked on it, there was Irish street-busking vocalist Allie Sherlock on a Dublin sidewalk with red-headed 12-year-old duet partner Fionn Whelan. They were singing a cover of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”

Hallelujah is right. Holy fucking fuck. Click on the link. Do it. Now. You will witness the voices of two angels. I’ll wait.

Right? Incredibly beautiful, and where does this little brat get a voice like that? So powerful and so sweet.

What an unexpected detour from the sewage backup that is social media. Evidently, Sherlock has had an internet presence for years, but to me she was a revelation, and so I checked out a number of her other street performances and was never disappointed. But, as I was saying, if you happen to view one “Jews will not replace us!” video, you are destined to be fed more. If you click on “furry love,” some similar adventures are in store. And if you click on a surprising performance by an unknown singer, suddenly some of your GOP-cretins content ends up being pushed aside by more unknown-vocalist posts.

Sure enough, a week ago I was doom scrolling and saw a thumbnail from the show Britain’s Got Talent. I don’t watch Britain’s Got Talent. Or America’s Got Talent. Or American Idol. or X Factor. Or any of that genre, because I can’t bear the pain of watching bad acts. I know they’re necessary as a foil for actual talent, and a mean-spirited sort of comic relief, but it just upsets me. So I’m pretty sure I haven’t watched a single one of these shows in its entirety for 20 years. But there on my screen was this video, featuring a spirited 28-year-old gym receptionist (and occasional stage performer) called Sydnie Christmas. The number was “Tomorrow” from Annie, which did not bode well. But … come on. WATCH IT. Click! You will not be disappointed.

Are you beginning to see what I’m getting at? What happened next was a fateful act: I shared the video on Facebook, saying, “Maybe I’m a sucker, but this made me laugh, smile … and cry.” Shared it. In other words, “engagement.” Next thing I knew I was being fed more performances than I could keep track of. They were oozing out of my iPhone. I was Jed Clampett, missing the possum but striking oil.

Yes, the dreaded rabbit hole had opened up in front of me, and in I jumped. For the past week, I’ve been glued to my phone watching astonishing music, dance, magic, and one very solid dog act courtesy mainly of the ____’s Got Talent franchises around the world. Some of the acts were merely transcendent. Others had the added virtue of featuring prodigious children.

Here’s Malakai Bayoh, 12, singing Gabrielle Faure’s “Pie Jesu” (start at 1:45). This is Victory Brinker, 9, performing the “Juliette’s Waltz” aria from Romeo and Juliet (start at 00:40). And here, courtesy (obviously) of Romania’s Got Talent, is Carina Vehiu, 12, singing “The Impossible Dream” (spoiler alert: she sings it in English and pronounces “chaste” as “chest”). Feel free to laugh at the clueless little foreigner. Then knock on your kid’s door and scream, “You are a great disappointment to your parents!”

Kids with adult singing voices, magnificent adult singing voices. It is to tremble. But others offer  still extra emotional clout because the performers are disabled.

Wait. I cannot emphasize this enough: I am not speaking of the Susan Boyle effect, when in 2009 she became a sensation by somehow singing a lovely rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables — even though she was middle-aged and unattractive. The crowd went crazy, which if you ask me was just a mass confession to what is sometimes called “lookism.” Yes, we are accustomed to having our entertainers be beautiful, but that’s what other industries call “added value.” The talent itself is equally distributed across humanity.

What I’ve seen this week have not been stunts. They’ve been mindblowing on pure merit, and further gilded with wonder and inspiration. Such as Putri Ariani, a 17-year-old Indonesian pianist/singer who performed “Loneliness” (start at 00:45). Just listen to her. You will instantly forget she is blind and on the autism spectrum.

Not so incidental is the disability of South African dancer Musa Motha, who is an amputee, using his crutch as his second leg. But it’s not just a mobility aid; it’s intrinsic to the breathtaking choreography, adding a magnificent dimension to the art of dance. Prepare to be astonished. And captivated. And inspired.

Please, please watch these unforgettable performances. When you have viewed the whole roster, you will have achieved two things:

1) You’ll have escaped the hellhole and found refuge in the joy hole. (I said “joy.” I didn’t say “glory.” I said JOY.)

2) You will have rewritten your social media destiny. For the foreseeable future — and possibly forever — this shit’s gonna come pouring in.

Now then. I believe I promised you a dog act. Another kid, 11-year-old Alexa Lauenberger. You should probably see that, too.

If you don’t click on the link, you will miss the conga line.