Fighting Back Against the Jews

Republicans in Kentucky are giving it their all in the battle against the International Jewish Conspiracy.

The Jewish junta is getting stronger.

First of all, my sincerest apologies for being delayed with this dispatch. I have been deep in emergency deliberations the past few days with George Soros, Barbra Streisand, the elders of Zion, Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky (hallowed be his name) and your orthopedic surgeon. The talks were emotional, for we live in perilous times.

The subject of the emergency summit: the discovery, by certain Bluegrass patriots, that we — the depraved and money-obsessed agents of Satan, we the bankers and violinists, we the controllers of Hollywood and the media, we the winners of Nobel Prizes and defilers of virtuous Christian women, we who conspired to write virtually the entire Great American Songbook, we who have slyly maneuvered our way into three Major League starting rotations — are not content, in accordance with our avaricious nature, with our achievements. We are now expanding our conspiracy into the highest ranks of law enforcement.

Yes, our very own Steve Dettelbach has been confirmed by the Senate to lead the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Such nachas! We’re all kvelling.

But here’s the thing: We’d all hoped to keep the appointment more or less on the down low. Steve will have a difficult time as it is confiscating 20 million assault rifles from the rabid MAGA mouth-breathers and the ranks of the Jesus Paramilitary. The last thing we need is for pictures of the Director's phylacteries to be zipping around social media.

Unfortunately, the Bracken County Republican Party sniffed us out and alerted the local Nazi rank and file. This, under their banner, is from a recent Facebook post on their page:

A Jewish anti-gun activist, Steve Dettelbach, has just been made director of the ATF. The Jewish junta is getting stronger and more aggressive.

No one need be surprised if among our people the personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Jew. The ignorance of the broad masses about the inner nature of the Jew, the lack of instinct and narrow-mindedness of our upper classes, make the people an easy victim for this Jewish campaign of lies.

Oh, wait. That second paragraph wasn’t from the Bracken County GOP Facebook page. It was from Mein Kampf. (I hope Hitler doesn’t send his copyright lawyers after me. I’m told they play hardball.) Anyway, six of one, half a dozen of the other. Jew baiting is Jew baiting, amirite?

This episode was discovered by an enterprising Louisville Courier-Journal reporter named Joe Sonka, who performed his journalistic due diligence in trying to determine the author of the post. There was a limited number of suspects, because the Bracken County Republican Party has fewer officials and employees than you have fingers. I’ve gotta tell you, Barbra, George and I are at our wits’ end not knowing the poster’s identity, otherwise how will we be able to acquire his or her baby’s blood to make our matzo next Passover? Snitches get stitches. Just sayin’ is all.

Well, so far no luck. Our suspicions fell first on Bracken County GOP chair Karin Kirkendol. But no joy there. When Sonka called her, she told him she hadn’t even noticed the post. Perhaps because it blended in with so much other Kentucky GOP rhetoric. This from Sonka’s article:

Three Republican legislators were criticized by Jewish groups and colleagues during this year’s session of the Kentucky General Assembly for making offensive statements toward Jewish people.

Rep. Walker Thomas, R-Hopkinsville, and Sen. Rick Girdler, R-Somerset, each used the antisemitic phrase “Jew them down” during a February committee discussion on state agency leases, while the following month Rep. Danny Bentley, R-Russell, made comments on the House floor about Jewish women’s sexual habits and false claims about the Holocaust and abortion medication.

Regarding that Rep. Bentley. There’s another guy who put us in a bit of a shvitz, when on the Kentucky House floor he asserted that the so-called “day-after pill” was developed by Jewish doctors during the Holocaust based on the chemical Zyklon B, which of course was the gas the Nazis used to murder millions of Jews. “Why would they do it?” Bentley asked, with the answer easily at hand. “Because they're making money on it.”

Oy vey. We are speaking here of the Elders’ most closely held secrets. This was as if someone tweeted out the nuclear codes or the recipe for Mickey D’s “secret sauce.” In any case, shortly after speaking to the Courier-Journal, Kirkendol put up a fresh post on the Republican website. I hate to say it of the forces trying to destroy us, but it was a bit of a tour de force:

Earlier today, I was made aware of an inappropriate post on the Bracken County GOP Facebook page. That post does not represent the values of the Bracken County Republican Party. It was incredibly insensitive. We will investigate how this occurred and we commit to tighter oversight of our social media going forward.

“Insensitive!” Touche! That phrasing served the goal of acknowledging the substance of Tiefes Kehlchen’s anti-Semitic slur, rejecting not the underlying accusation, but merely the tone. I thought Rabbi Krustofsky would shit himself. “I thought we were the clever ones. We must neutralize this Ubergruppenshikse. Perhaps we can sneak something into her Miracle Whip!”

But wait. If you were just thinking that the Bracken County GOP is a den of Nazis caught in the very act of facist propaganda, there was another startling development. Shortly after invoking the pure values of her proud organization, Kirkendol claimed that their Facebook account … had been hacked!

Yes, someone ignored the haystack of 20 billion Facebook pages worldwide to target the site of a tiny organization in a county of 8,459 to defile it with hate speech. And so, blindsided and disgusted, she deleted the whole thing — and with it the fingerprints of authorship otherwise immediately available to the Bracken County GOP’s site administrator.

So now, presumably, Kirkendol is Kentucky’s O.J. Simpson, searching tirelessly for the “real” culprit. One possibility is that the “hacker” is antifa, even a Jew, expressing those vile sentiments in a classic false flag operation to bring disrepute upon innocent Republicans. I mean, our cabal hasn’t authorized any such psy-ops, but it’s a narrative that offers hope the Bracken County GOP can cling to. Otherwise, people might suspect the Republican party is home to at least one hate-mongering, gun-worshiping shtik fun drek. God forbid.