Greetings and Salutations, Esteemed Credit Card Holder
Look who's fundraising mailings look like they come from a Nigerian prince.
There’s some guy Christopher C. I don’t know who he is, although if my search engine is right, he may be a nurse-anesthetist in New England. In any event, for some reason I get a lot of his email — about three a day to my account, but addressed to Christopher from Nancy Pelosi, Stacey Abrams, Val Deming, Charlie Crist, Catherine Cortez Masto, Mike Levin, Mandela Barnes, Tim Ryan, Cheri Beasely, Maggie Hassan, Raphael Warnock, John Fetterman, James Carville and a whole cast of characters who have one important thing in common. Can you guess what that is?
They allow junior campaign staff to write endless emails over their signatures using techniques proven successful by spammers, scammers and others who prey on the emotions and naivete of others.
Here’s one (purportedly) from the Speaker of the House:
Christopher C., I need to be perfectly clear:
Reports say that if we lose our Majority now, Democrats will lose power for over a decade.
Please rush $50 and activate your membership before the Midnight Deadline.
Oh, Nancy, for crying out loud. “Special interest” should have been hyphenated. Anyway, here’s one from U.S. Rep. Tim Ryan, who is running for the Senate against Republican J.D. Vance in Ohio:
Ron DeSantis will be in Ohio TODAY to campaign for JD Vance and rally their right-wing base against us.
And here’s another, from the Flip Georgia Fund:
DESPITE polls showing Democratic champion Stacey Abrams statistically TIED with MAGA Governor Brian Kemp …
DESPITE us warning you that Republicans were ramping up their vicious attacks to shut down Stacey’s momentum and destroy her in November …
AND DESPITE us telling you we were running out of time to save incredible Democrats like Stacey … hardly ANYONE has donated to our must-hit goal!!
Now I’m not saying Stacey Abrams shouldn’t beat the crap out of Republican Brian Kemp; I so hope she does. What I am saying is that the fundraising technique happens to be one the Federal Trade Commission warns consumers about, because Americans carelessly forked over $200 million last year to grifters who also beg people to help them out of supposed dire emergencies. From the FTC website:
The caller says it’s urgent. They say you have to pay right away or something terrible will happen. They want to scare or pressure you into acting quickly, so you don’t have time to think or talk to someone you trust. Don’t pay. It’s a scam.
The thing is, that’s not the only technique these leading Democrats use to squeeze more donations out of Christoper and his fellow grass roots. The fundraising has a split personality. Not content merely to present suckers — sorry, I mean “likely voters” — with frighteningly bad news certain to get worse, they also do the opposite, offering up good news with the goal of getting the recipient all caught up in the excitement of imminent victory. This one came with the subject line “AMAZING NEWS”:
Beto O’Rourke is doing what people once thought impossible:
He’s flipping Texas BETO-BLUE!
This one was headlined “WOW WOW WOW”:
Christopher C., have you seen this INCREDIBLE news?!
Outstanding Democrat John Fetterman is SURGING AHEAD of Trump quack Dr. Oz in a brand new poll. WE’RE JUMPING FOR JOY!!!
But now, Mitch McConnell and his MAGA cronies are fuming — they’re launching a vicious ad campaign to destroy Fetterman and seize control of the Senate …
So much joy. So much jumping. Almost the same plea came for Stacey Abrahms. Just one email ago, things looked so bad, and now — just like the John Fetterman team — the Abrams campaign is ecstatic!
Christopher C., we’re JUMPING FOR JOY!
What unbelievable good fortune, which we can all share in, if only you’ll send more money. There is, of course, a term for this sort of appeal: “419 fraud,” named for the Nigerian statute governing what they call “advance-fee” grifts from phony princes, phony corrupt former ministers and, very recently, phony astronauts. So, yes, two separate formulas for turning the small donor into an aggregate pretty-big donor. Alternating pitches, one based on fear, one based on enthusiasm — which ordinarily do not toggle back and forth so dependably. It’s like the Faye Dunaway character in Chinatown. Who is the little girl, Jack Nicholson wants to know. “My sister!” Dunaway says. “My daughter! My sister! My daughter.”
Yeah, it was her sister and her daughter. It’s Chinatown, Jake.
It’s the midterms, Jake. An endless cycle of highs and lows — and endless misdirection. On August 31, Christopher was sent an appeal from Nancy Pelosi titled “one final ask.”
And, yet, she persisted. As I was in the midst of writing this a mere eight days later, another PelosiGram somehow made its way into my inbox asking for another gift of $5, $25, $100 — whatever Christopher can afford.
There are televangelists who don’t so quickly come back for more. Hell, there are blackmailers who don’t so quickly come back for more.
Now, once again, although I — unlike Christoper C. — am not a Democrat and have not been for more than 40 years, I certainly wish the best for all of these candidates. They are critical to the battle against American theofascism — or, as it is also known, the Republican Party. And certainly this level of direct-marketing sleaze is dwarfed by the Big Lies and many smaller lies used by the GOP in the ongoing fleecing of Red Americans. No comparison, really. In fact, as I write this, it emerges that the U.S. Department of Justice has convened a grand jury looking into GOP fundraising fraud preying on the Trump faithful. Call it the MAGA Millions Jackpot.
But if you are a political party that presents itself as the antidote to Republican depravity, this kind of snake oil sends the wrong message. It’s not a Big Lie, or even a medium lie, but it is an aggregation of micro lies that undermines the Democrats’ claim to moral high ground. I don’t know how Democrat Christoper C. feels about it. Maybe he doesn’t even know about it, since I’m getting all the emails. But speaking for myself, it’s gross.
Believe it or not, before I even reached the end of this piece, Christopher and I received yet another email from Nancy “One Final Ask” Pelosi.
I know you’re getting a lot of emails, but please
DON’T delete this email
DON’T ignore my message
DON’T give Republicans the satisfaction
Believe me when I say that’s exactly what Mitch McConnell wants you to do.
I won’t mince words with you, Christopher C.
-- Right now, Democrats are FLATTENING Republicans in Senate races across the country.
-- But Republicans just launched a shocking $141 MILLION ad blitz to destroy our lead.
I refuse to let that happen if it’s the last thing I do -- but I can’t do it alone.
I need a MASSIVE influx of support -- 2,723 gifts before my Midnight Deadline -- to OUTRAISE Republicans, PROTECT our Majorities, and hand McConnell a STUNNING defeat.
Will you rush $50 in these final 12 hours?
No, Madame Speaker, I will not rush you $50. But I will vote in November as if the very fate of our democracy hangs in the balance.
Also: UNSUBSCRIBE.
For similar reasons (I certainly prefer the candidates to win but abhor the tactics), as these appeals increasingly were sent to me via texts at all hours of the day I initially simply blocked the number, but eventually resorted to blocking and reporting spam, because that is what they are, even if in support of a product that I hope to thrive.
The technique you describe so well here could have been developed by whoever told car dealers they could convince me to buy a car by yelling at me in their TV ads.