Jesus Christ

Obvious mistake by Republican judicial nominees.

Evan Rikhye equivocating during his nomination hearing Wednesday before the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary.

This time, on Tuesday, one of the dopes was Evan Rikhye, testifying before the Senate Judiciary Committee in support of his nomination for a federal judgeship. When Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Desipience) asked one of those supposed litmus test questions — whether or not Joe Biden won the 2020 election — Rikhye answered as follows:

“As my colleagues have stated, the process we have under the Constitution is a vote by the Electoral College followed by certification.”

See, he’s under oath, so he can’t say “no.” But he’s a Republican, so he can’t say “yes,” because then he will be politically left for dead. Hence this ridiculous cat-and-mouse game of the past year when Democrats ask the supposed “gotcha” question, and the nominees reply with evasion. Litmus, my ass. It’s like dipping a strip of red construction paper into a test tube full of hydrochloric acid; the paper’s gonna stay red. You know, before disintegrating.

Then one or two Democratic committee members speechify about what a mockery the whole charade is, but to no effect because the nominee is always confirmed by the GOP majority. Yet they persist in the political theater on the off-chance that independent voters and even some Republicans will tire of government of, by and for the lie. Which, if the polls reflect reality, might be happening.

So here’s some advice to the next batch of Republican nominees: they should use the opportunity to ingratiate themselves even further with the administration. Was Joe Biden the real president?

“No, Senator. Jesus is the president.”

That is, after all, one of the central precepts of MAGA, along with strong borders, allergy to truth and the Haitian Household Pet Diet. But Christian Nation is right up there. After the first attempted assassination of Trump, House speaker Mike Johnson explained, “God miraculously spared the life of President Trump … He [God] is using him to lead our country back to greatness.” He thinks Christian prayer should be embedded in schools and government policymaking.

Secretary of Defense (who brands himself Secretary of War) Pete Hegseth also thinks so. Just this week, while busily flouting the Constitution and bombing the mullahs and Revolutionary Guard into non-submission, he explained, “The war in Iran is protected by God.” You heard that a lot this week, and also in the Middle Ages. In the Trump Administration, promotion of active Christianity (versus the other 35% of the electorate) is table stakes.

Vice President JD Vance: “The only thing that has truly served as an anchor of the United States of America is that we have been, and by the grace of God we always will be, a Christian nation.”

Hegseth: “As long as I have breath, I commit to you that I and we should never allow any group ... to silence us from speaking the capital-T truth: Christ is King. He died for our sins. We are forgiven. He will come again in glory.”

Mike Johnson, who has lied and double-talked throughout his speakership, likes to point out that Thomas Jefferson’s famous “wall of separation” between Church and State is not in the Constitution, claiming that the founders wanted to protect religious practice from the meddling hands of government, not vice versa. That’s what you call a half truth — the half untruth being the vice versa part, which the founders evidently deemed important, because, in the Bill of Rights, it’s mentioned first: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Still, Johnson can’t stop believing in the Jesus as Mascot theory of history. “We have to rededicate ourselves to the cause of our Founders and turn toward prayer again,” he recently told a prayer breakfast after the waffles had been cleared. “You and I know it’s a spiritual battle.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: What does the actual conduct of the GOP have to do with Jesus, whose rizz is built on stuff that doesn’t much resemble Project 2025. Fair point. Matthew 5:7 could almost be read as a repudiation of Hegseth, Johnson, Vance and the rest of the Christian crusaders. Turns out the Biblical Son of Man had a lot to say that utterly recoils at their supposed Christian values. My fave is a bit of a rebuke for men in dark suits and red ties who cheerfully kill suspected drug traffickers, Minnesota street protestors and 170 Iranian school children … and then call Democrats names:

You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.” But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, “You fool!” will be liable to the hell of fire.

Enticing thought. But, Jesus Christ, the Sermon on the Mount just spills over with golden oldies!

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

When you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites … go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret.

I don’t think the door he’s speaking of is to the Grand Ballroom of the Washington Hilton. And, of course, since we’re speaking of Mar-a-Lagophiles, paging elsewhere in the New Testament to John 8:44, you can’t help clocking Christ’s judgment on liars: “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

But I may have strayed from my original point. If you’re going to appear before a Senate committee trying to get confirmed for a high national post, why act like a scaredy cat and refuse to give a straight answer. If you have the authority of the Messiah, that’s better than Robert De Niro, Barbra Streisand and George Clooney rolled into one. You’ll get more credit from the Christian Nationalist base, and the Dems will have much less to run on YouTube come the midterms. Jesus is your North Star? Own it! But, once again, as you thumb through the Bible in preparation for your hearing, you really, really might want to avoid Matthew 5:37. The Sermon makes it a little hard to deal with the Biden 2020 question:

Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.