Operation 18 Wheels and a Dipshit
Convoy of Patriots Prevents Invasion, Requires Only One Porta***Potty
PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
God’s Army Central Command and Hot Wings Superstore
Contact: Col. Delroy Angely
Coldel@AR15.aog
6 February, 2024
***Fentanyl traffickers, rapists, terrorists and mariachi bands in hiding after patriot seizure of border-region parking lots***
Eagle Pass, Tx. – Over the past weekend, our Great Nation was saved after God’s Army enlisted the aid of 750,000 tractor-trailer-owning citizens to form a protective barrier of 18-wheelers at our southern border. The result was a heroic response by literally dozens of Semi Patriots and as many as 300 in cars converging on the border communities of Eagle Pass and Dripping Springs to halt the flow of fentanyl, Spanish, and book learnin’ into our country. Mission accomplished!
– God’s Army explicitly renounces any connection with Egypt’s Army of God, or Sierra Leone’s God’s Army ISIS spinoff. Those primitive extremists believe people should be governed by religious zealots and a supposed Holy Book.
– We also have no official connection to the American “Army of God,” which Deep Staters, Antifa, woke elites and the U.S. Departments of Justice and Homeland Security smear as a “rightwing Christian nationalist paramilitary group.” We and “Army of God” are both franchisees of IQ Points? Jihad ’em a Minute Ago Enterprises, Hayden Lake, Idaho.
– On the battlefield, there was no immediate evidence of individuals who had illegally entered the United States. We cannot say the enemy is not cunning. Despite heavy presence of Antifa, undercover FBI agents and the Fake News, our superior forces were able to storm the local Walmart, where we observed suspected infiltrators speaking Mexican and attempting to purchase “clothing” and “groceries” to disguise themselves as Americans. We foiled their mission with guerilla action: our forces purchased all the nacho-flavored snack items in the store, retired to their truck cabs, and chowed down while the illegals scattered to recover their drugs and sombreros.
– Commanders in the field were temporarily dealt a blow over propaganda fed to the Fake News. A “local woman” identified as “Jessie F. Fuentes,” delivered enemy talking points which we knew the Woke “Media” would swallow whole: “We are constantly being told that we’re being invaded. … The reality is that it has brought dangerous, violent groups into our beautiful, peaceful city. Eagle Pass is safer than most cities in America if you look at crime statistics. This is just a fact. We don’t appreciate these staged events that dramatically misrepresent our reality on the border and that invite extremist groups that pose a real danger to people in our community.” Investigation by God’s Army Military Intel revealed the woman to be a Crisis Citizen, hired by the FBI to pose as a resident. We have unearthed her birth name: Jessica Fuentesberg.
– Thinking of traitoring? A word to the wise: Jesus is on Seal Team 6, and he fuckin’ hates you.