"Not Dog! Not Dog! Get Your Juicy Not Dog!"
Another tradition bites the dust, but at least not the mailman.
You of course vividly remember my July meal in Bac, Serbia of savory cow-intestine paprikash. Most likely you highlighted my article, clipped it and magnet-affixed it to your fridge. I’m told my most memorable statement of praise for the dish was “just the right amount of slimy.”
I mention this only to remind you that, while I don’t necessarily identify as an adventurous eater, my wide travels have more than once introduced me to menu items you can’t get at Denny’s. Braised duck feet is one example. Hog-brain sandwich (Evansville, Indiana!) was another taste treat. In Sweden, at a lovely dinner party on a snowy winter’s eve, the entree was bear. Meh. It tasted just like lion. In Tokyo’s Skeije Harbor one chilly 5 a.m., I watched a fishmonger behead a wriggling fresh catch and turn it into sushi in a matter of seconds. (I somewhat regret giving my cute, shimmying breakfast a name before his sudden decapitation, but Todd was scrumptious. And just the right amount of dead.)
But it is with mixed emotions I learn that my most notorious foray into exotic cuisine will almost certainly be my last of its kind. Thanks to legislation in the National Assembly of South Korea, in three years’ time it will be illegal to breed, slaughter, sell and serve dog meat for human consumption.
Woof.
Not that I disagree. Eating dog stew in Seoul some years ago was the second most disturbing meal in my life, right after the veal piccata I was served in my only-ever visit to an Olive Garden. In both cases, the point of the exercise was to go beyond my comfort zone, and — if possible — to honor the customs and delicacies of unfamiliar cultures. In the case of dog, Korean culture. In the case of Olive Garden, philistines.
It was a journalistic enterprise, and was more than illuminating. I learned, first of all, that Koreans distinguish pet dogs from livestock dogs. No dog farmer ever says, “Here, 왕자. Fetch!” Those animals don’t pad around the house or get doggie treats. They are bred for their flesh. On the other hand, they could be raised as pets. They could fetch the newspaper and wag their tails when you scratch behind their ears. They could be 왕자, or Lassie.
On the other, other hand, pigs are smart, too. They can also fetch the newspaper, answer to their names and perform menial tasks, like sit, stay, shake, wave, podcast, etc. As the American Mini Pig Association likes to say, “A well-trained pig is a happy pig.” Maybe. But more often: dinner. Because nobody’s passing anti-pork laws.
So, what I’m saying is, this issue is not entirely cut and dried. It’s also spiced and roasted. (Haha. I know … hilarious. What can I tell you? It’s a gift.) We are speaking not of logic and comparative husbandry, but a precious human affinity. The incontrovertible fact is we love pets dearly, and whatever the species,* eating your loved one is barbaric, repulsive and unthinkable. I mean, I barely had a relationship with Todd and to this day I occasionally feel pangs. Which is either guilt or the wasabi repeating on me.
*[Except hermit crabs. Come on, seriously. Those are pointless. Why not snails or Rotarians?]
It would be easy to blame this new law, which awaits only the signature of President Yoon Suk Yeol, on Western cultural imperialism — in a connected world, the imposition of our ethnocentric values and culture (and animal-rights movement) on another country’s ancient traditions. First hot dogs and now not dogs. But the fact is, South Korea has, with rapid industrialization and globalization, seen its values and culture change. (I won’t say evolve. I mean, Squid Game.) And this bill was passed on a bi-partisan basis.
“In a 2022 survey by Gallup Korea,” according to CNN, “64% of respondents were against eating dog meat, a notable increase from a similar survey in 2015. The number of respondents who had eaten dog meat in the past year had also fallen, from 27% in 2015, to just 8% in 2022.”
The legislators aren’t fucking around. The punishment for dog slaughtering is to be a fine of up to $23,000 and up to three years in prison. The sentence is death if the dog can ride a unicycle while wearing a hat.
But I’ve left something out. Recall that I said my Seoul journalism was illuminating, and it was. While dog consumption — like, I dunno, braised pork spine — is often traced to a shortage of protein in a historically impoverished country, dog meat is credited with a particular virtue that has imbued it with enduring appeal. Supposedly, it’s an aphrodisiac, boosting male virility, stamina and desire. Lassie, to the best of my knowledge, had no such skills.
I also know of no science to support the superstition. I do, however, know the cut of meat most prized for the purpose. Take a wild guess. Now, back in the day, when I was served my hearty dish of dog stew, I did ask them to hold the penis. Only now does it dawn on me that, what with the language barrier and all, my request may have been tragically ambiguous.
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