Relax
How brothers bond.
The melody haunts my reverie
And I am once again with you
— Stardust, Hoagy Carmichael
If you are a boomer, or a college hoops fan, or an Indianan or an angry, misogynist piece of shit, you probably know the name Bobby Knight.
He was one of the most successful collegiate basketball coaches who ever lived, leading the Hoosiers to 902 NCAA victories and three championships. Unfortunately, he died in 2023, the unfortunate part being it was not at birth. I do not know the cause of death, but I’m guessing inflamed bile duct. For Bobby Knight was not most prominent for winning basketball games. He made a name for himself, and eventually got fired for, berating, demeaning, humiliating and otherwise abusing the teenagers and young adults who played for him. They called him The General, but he was more like a drill sergeant — breaking down the kids’ spirit and self image to rebuild them as a corps. A martinet, in other words. Would he have won championships without battering and even literally choking his players? Dunno. It’s irrelevant. The key words in that sentence are “choking his players.” It’s on video. There was some famous chair throwing, as well.
Yet that wasn’t Knight at his worst. His worst was his answer in a 1988 NBC TV interview about how he handles stress and adversity. He said, “If rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it.”
It might have been a poignant little metaphor, if rape were a consensual sex act. Or something to wisecrack about. But it obviously is not. It is an assault, a grotesque, violent infliction of power and rage whose damage often lasts a lifetime. “Relax and enjoy it!” Hilarious.
Now, you might wonder, what kind of person could be so callous and cruel? You might also wonder, who could possibly see such a louse as a hero and comrade. I mean, it would be like admiring and bonding with some ruthless dictator.
Ah. Not exactly a brain teaser, that question, is it?
“An incredible person.”
“A tough cookie.”
Those are just some of the accolades Donald Trump tossed the coach’s way. But not unreciprocated. This was a bully-boy mutual admiration society. Trump — a sports-star fanboy second only in human history to Kash Patel — called their relationship “a great romance.” Knight called his pal a “kindred spirit.”
“You think of the things that are necessary for getting something back together and going in the right direction,” Knight said in 2016, as quoted by Newsweek. “You tell me who’s better to do it than he is?”
Hmm. Interesting challenge. Lemme think. Better presidential qualifications than Trump … um, my dental hygienist? The recording secretary of the International Snuff Bottle Society? Gumby? I forget, is Manson still alive?
Anyway, Knight endorsed Trump in 2016 and stumped for him, too, helping him defeat Ted Cruz in the brutal primary battle for Indiana delegates. So the grease-painted Bibendum was in Knight’s debt. And the late sports hero, as we’ve just learned a few days ago — like that lyric in Stardust — haunts his reverie.
Early this week, reporters asked Trump how the public should interpret his constant conflicted statements, empty promises, dire threats and conciliatory remarks about the idiotic War in Iran, which is turning the world upside down. Simple, he said.
“Just sit back and relax, it will all work out well in the end. It always does!”
Maybe we should heed him. He’s a historic ignoramus, but he does know something about rape.