Resolve THIS
Bob, mindful and optimistic as ever, looks forward to the year ahead with an eye to making the world, and himself, better.
WHEREAS, a new year has commenced and with it a world of possibilities, good and bad; and
WHEREAS, the turnover of the calendar has traditionally signified new opportunities for personal growth, rooted equally in shame and optimism; and
WHEREAS, human ambition often clings to magical thinking and unreasonable hope, along the lines of purchasing Estée Lauder Resilience Multi-Effect Tri-Peptide Face and Neck Creme; and
WHEREAS, such vows to effect change, no matter how earnest, must needs be limited to those changes which are entirely within the capacity of the individual, and not external events, such as the infinite desire for a disgraced former U.S. president under court order to produce DNA as evidence in a legal case hinging on an alleged rape, and subsequent testimony to include the words “identical match” and “teensy weensy”; and
WHEREAS, these conditions render unrealistic the banishment of the entire Republican Party and a significant number of annoying leftist cultural revolutionaries to Krypton’s Phantom Zone; therefore
DO I HEREBY RESOLVE, for the year 2022 C.E., to accomplish the following: