Supercuts, Our Salvation
Kamala, do this now. Right now.
How many times must I say this? Listen to Geoffrey M. Rappaport. Listen to Geoffrey M. Rappaport.
In particular, remember what he said in 2014 at the World Retail Congress on the subject of “disruption.” Because, on the topic we shall address today, he is possibly the world’s foremost expert. Possibly history’s foremost expert. Here is what he said:
I think that by simply having the genie out of the bottle, there is no turning it around. It is there. It will move on of its own accord.
The man is a prophet. He was describing what is commonly known as “going viral.” Now it happens that Rappaport is a discount hair-salon entrepreneur who was being interviewed about the effect of Amazon and other digital merchants on the brick-and-mortar retail industry, but never mind that. Democracy is in peril; who gives a shit about retail disruption? The point is, Geoffrey M. Rappaport co-founded the 2,070-store salon chain called Supercuts. He long ago sold his baby to venture capitalists, but he knows his disruption. He knows his genies. He knows his supercuts. And I’m here to tell you that supercuts are the only thing between America and Christo-fascist tyranny.
Ok, not the discount coiffure kind of supercut — why would you think that? No, idiot, the form of video montage called a “supercut.” That’s where you cull many examples of whatever your subject matter is and string them together to great effect. Maybe it’s the best defensive plays of the 2024 baseball season. Maybe it’s 25 versions of Simon Cowell scowling. Maybe it’s 25 versions of a baby tasting a lemon. Maybe it’s a sequence of video clips depicting Donald Trump being bizarre.
One of those supercuts brought the house down at the Democratic National Convention:
TRUMP: “Nobody’s ever called me weird. I’m a lot of things, but weird I’m not.”
TRUMP: “The late, great Hannibal Lecter – he’s a wonderful man.”
TRUMP: “Know what I’d do? If there was a shark or you get electrocuted, I’ll take electrocution every time.”
TRUMP: “Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.”
TRUMP: “She said Kamala has one big advantage. She’s a beautiful woman … I’m a better-looking person than Kamala!”
TRUMP: “He says, ‘You’re not gonna be a dictator, are you?’ I said, ‘Nope, no, no, other than day one.’”
TRUMP: “I’d like to congratulate Vladimir Putin for having made yet another great deal.”
TRUMP: “Kim Jong Un I had a good relationship with. He’s a tough, smart guy.”
TRUMP: “Now, if I don’t get elected, it’s gonna be a bloodbath.”
TRUMP: “Well, they’re the weird ones. JD is not at all.”
VANCE: “The people who are most deranged and most psychotic are people who don’t have kids at all.”
VANCE: “Let’s give votes to all children in this country, but let’s give control over those votes to the parents of those children.”
TRUMP: “In four years, you don’t have to vote again. We’ll have it fixed so good, you’re not gonna have to vote.”
It’s jawdropping, horrible, terrifying and entertaining all at the same time, so no wonder the convention delegates loved it. But, once again, who gives a shit whether they loved it? They didn’t go to Chicago for the Cubbies. They are already, more or less by definition, voting for Kamala Harris and against Donald Trump. The people who need to see it are independent or undecided voters in Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada, North Carolina, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin — where the 82 cumulative electoral-college votes will determine the presidential election. The other 43 states and the District of Columbia are foregone conclusions and, in one of our democracy’s most outlandish perversions, therefore irrelevant. That’s why voters in Alabama, Alaska, California and New York will not see any version of that as a local TV ad. If they see it, it will be on the internet.
Back to Rappaport, who by sheer coincidence, articulated how non-hair-related online content can save America and the world. I think that by simply having the genie out of the bottle, there is no turning it around. It is there. It will move on of its own accord.
As of Monday, the “weird” genie is out of the bottle. But here’s the thing: there are soooooo many bottles. There is also a convention supercut about Trump’s life of crime and civil fraud, styled after TV’s Law & Order program that has been ripping cases out of the headlines for 24 seasons. There should be a supercut about abortion and IVF. There should be a supercut about dictatorship and tearing up the constitution. Another about sexual abuse. Another about pathological lying. Another about gathering dementia. Another about the narcissism of “your favorite president.” Another about contempt for dead, wounded and captured soldiers. Another about name-calling and cruelty. Another about racism. Another about Trump the ignoramus (injecting disinfectant, for instance). Another about Project 2025 and Christian nationalism.
Of course, on the stump and in paid advertising Harris and Walz should articulate their credentials, their platform, their vision for America. But online, where we all actually go about our lives, this should be the Supercut Election. Literally. The campaign should brand its messaging that way. There should be Trumpcut #1, Trumpcut #2, etc. A new one every week to create anticipation and the sense of gathering history, yet each a genie in its own right. After that, as the great Rappaport prophesied, “it will move of its own accord.”
I’m sorry, but this is not negotiable. If the campaign does not listen to Geoffrey, you know what will happen?
Democracy will take a haircut.
!
Spot-on!