You're Despicable, That's What You Are

It's non-nonsensical that you are so reprehensible you think civil rights are despicable, too.

A Cracker Barrel sign featuring the old logo outside a restaurant in Florida.

Dead children and Cracker Barrel. They are of a piece.

The dead children and the grievously wounded are from Wednesday’s Minnesota church shooting, murdered by a lunatic with an assault rifle.

“The coward who fired these shots ultimately took his own life in the rear of the church,” said Minneapolis Police Chief Brian O’Hara. “The sheer cruelty and cowardice, firing into a church full of children, is absolutely incomprehensible.”

No, it isn’t. Sociopathy is not rare, and this is America, land of the gun fetish. This shit happens all the fucking time.

Not that it does any good to belabor the obvious. MAGA cultists have a boilerplate response to the commonplace slaughter of our babies, and teenagers and adults, too. Here was the loathsome Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Hades) after the Uvalde, Texas school massacre:

When there’s a murder of this kind, you see politicians try to politicize it. You see Democrats and a lot of folks in the media try to restrict the Constitutional rights of law abiding citizens. That doesn’t work. That’s not effective. It doesn’t prevent crime.

First of all, that was — and will be when you hear it all of this week — a sick lie. The firearm-death rate in red states is dramatically higher than in blue states, which maintain at least a modicum of gun control.

But never mind mere reality. More to the point, from bloody tragedy to bloody tragedy — averaging one per year with a death toll of at least 10, and hundreds more with fewer fatalities (25 of those so far this month) — the Republicans have displayed high tolerance for bloodshed and zero tolerance for outrage.

Shut up, you woke, far-left, unisex bathroom-loving, America-hating snowflakes, get your priorities straight. It is cynical, manipulative, opportunistic and basically vile for anyone to seize on tragedy to demand accountability and, God forbid, reform. That is not what America is about. That is not what should trouble us.

So what should trouble us? Ah, shitty-restaurant logos.

Cracker Barrel Drops New Logo Design After Conservative Backlash

The purveyor of Southern-style home cooking, as The New York Times put it, “has long been viewed as a white-coded establishment aligned with conservative social norms.”

The iconic chain sells overpriced chicken-fried steak, chicken and dumplings, biscuits and gravy, collared greens and hash brown casserole in 600 restaurants just over yonder from an interchange near you. No Michelin stars, but it deserves three Firestone stars for convenience to the interstate, not to mention a big fat annual commission from Lipitor.

Mind you, Cracker Barrel isn’t only for undereducated southerners who are still fighting the War of Northern Aggression. It also does a brisk trade with truckers and other uneducated southerners-at-heart. If you wonder who would cheer for renaming military bases after officers of the Confederacy, just pop into a Cracker Barrel and call Stonewall Jackson a traitor. You’ll see. Remember to dial 911 before you open your mouth, though. Even 160 years after the rebellion was put down, indignation rages over anything that flouts such cherished traditions as buying and selling human beings and buttered biscuits.

So now, after management streamlined the Cracker Barrel logo mainly by removing the familiar image of a farmer in overalls on the porch of an Old Country Store, the iconic restaurant of "traditional values” has been denounced as cowardly and woke — as if the new branding portrayed the Mark of the Beast, or a transgender athlete, or a person of color attempting to vote.

“WTF is wrong with @CrackerBarrel??!,” tweeted the noted humanist Donald Trump Jr., a chip off the old Glock if ever there was one. He was not alone. U.S. Reps Byron Donalds and Ralph Norman, Sen. Marsha Blackburn and many other Republican politicians piled on, followed by many an ordinary nitwit on X.

“I am boycotting @CrackerBarrel until they change the logo back and fire the CEO‼️ GO WOKE, GO BROKE”

“It wasn’t really about the logo. It was your complete surrender to Satan.”

“We want the full logo back and the woke Jew that change it gone forever.”

And they got their way. Cracker Barrel promptly caved to the pressure. Live by lowbrow culture; die by lowbrow culture.

Not that such craven surrender was unique. In the past year, Harvard University, Columbia University, CBS News, ABC News, CNN, Anheuser-Busch and several white shoe law firms have also buckled under pressure from Trump Sr., MAGA and the KKK demographic at large. Those self-proclaimed patriots and defenders of Life will destroy you for trying to drag your company kicking and screaming into the 21st century, but the moment you find fault with the slaughter of innocents, you yourself have a target on your back.

Hillary Clinton called them deplorable and was promptly vilified for judging her fellow Americans. Yes, it was a poor choice of words. The correct word is “despicable.”